“I hate it here!” she said.
“What is it you hate so much about it?” I asked.
“Oh, the politics, the decisions that go around in circles, the drama, doing the same thing day after day. I’m bored and tired of this place.”
“What does work for you here?” I explored.
“Well, I have a senior position in this bank, so I get to do some interesting work. I get paid well. I get to be part of some interesting strategic conversations. I even get to attend expensive leadership programs around the world. It’s not like there is nothing to like.”
“So, have you reached a place where you can enjoy what works and live with what doesn’t?” I tested.
“No,” she said emphatically.
“Nothing makes up for the boredom and ongoing stress of managing people and the politics about whose covering whose back and who is sticking a knife in someone else’s.”
“Am I hearing it’s time for you to move on?”
“Oh no, I can’t do that!” she said flatly, so it invited no debate.
“Why not?”
“Well, I have share options here; my daughter is at a private school just down the road; there is just too much to change, too late, and it would be financial suicide.”
Our banking executive was stuck. She continued to complain about her job and the organisation, insisting they must change. Yet, she was unwilling to find a workable compromise or to lose the benefits her current position offered. She had three choices, and so do you.
First choice
Your first choice is to complain. When someone asks you how it’s going at work, you respond with, “Oh, my job still sucks,” “I hate my boss” or “I can’t wait to retire; only eleven years to go.”
We all have things we complain about occasionally, and that’s OK. But don’t stay there for fifteen years. Continuing to complain comes with a health warning. It affects our physical and mental health over time and steals our joy in life. Being a constant complainer also alienates you from other people; they see you coming and avoid you. They don’t ask how you are in case you tell them. They cut conversations short because they don’t have the energy to listen to a constant stream of excuses about why your life is so difficult and you can’t change anything. It ends up being a very lonely place, and nothing gets resolved in the process. If you have been stuck here for too long or too often, it may be time to consider your second choice.
Second choice
Your second choice is to change your attitude and negotiate some changes. But that means giving up a few things.
It may mean giving up your insistence that the organisation organises itself around your personal needs. There are no perfect organisations, and the needs of people differ vastly. So, even if your organisation aligned every HR policy to meet your individual needs, it wouldn’t meet the needs of thousands of other people in a corporation.
It may mean letting go of needing everyone to have your interests at heart and keep you stimulated and growing. That, after all, is your responsibility. You may need to give up taking responsibility for decisions in your organisation where you have neither authority nor influence. Not every decision in the organisation rests on your shoulders. This is not an invitation to make your mantra, “It’s not my problem!” but it does mean knowing when you are stressing yourself about things you are not responsible for.
It may mean giving up your insistence that others share your work ethic, belief system, or the same commitment as you do. We are all driven by different things. This may mean giving people ‘permission’ to behave as they do since you cannot change other people or what they believe.
It may mean giving up the need for perfect leadership. After working with leader groups for over twenty years, I discovered that they, too, with the best intentions, have their demons and often lack the skill to deal with others. They, too, are learning.
It may mean taking a hard look at yourself to see where you are creating your own problems. Maybe you take on more than you can manage without setting boundaries. Or you refuse to ask for help for fear of what others will think or that they won’t do it your way. Maybe you don’t speak up and then complain about decisions made without you.
It may mean having a constructive conversation with those who can influence what is in the way of your being more productive. These conversations are often more straightforward than you might imagine. Perhaps renegotiating your role, joining new projects, taking on new challenges, changing reporting lines, or moving to a part of the organisation where you can add more value. If no one knows your needs, they can’t help you.
It may mean giving up your need for everything to be easy and that you should never be uncomfortable or stressed. Sometimes, difficult times prepare you for future roles and projects, help you develop new skills, or build your resilience.
Giving up your unreasonable demands does not mean you should stay in a work environment that is not good for you. A toxic work environment, bad relationships, and crazy working conditions can make you ill. You don’t have to accept rude and demeaning behaviour, determinedly poor leadership and decisions that cross your values line. Staying in a role or a business that robs your soul, offers you no growth, and impacts your life outside of work is no more than a golden cage. Suppose you are justifying things, excusing other people’s behaviour, and working in an environment that is toxic to your well-being and no longer good for you or your career. In that case, it may be time to consider your third choice.
Third choice
Your third choice is to leave. You can leave a job, a company, a country, or a relationship that has done its time. You can ‘fire your boss’ as we say, with a one-line resignation letter. It may come with a price, but you are free to go unless you are detained in the basement.
But this, too, means giving up a few things. It will mean letting go of the benefits your current job offers, the relationships with your team, and with people who support you. It will mean getting your act together to market, perhaps reskilling yourself, and starting a new job hunt.
So, before you hand in your resignation impulsively, consider your choices. I have seen far too many people leap from complaining to leaving impulsively. Then, they discover the job market is not nearly as alive as they anticipated. By not resolving the problem, they take their issues to their next job.
The good news
The good news is you don’t have to jump into nothingness if you decide to leave. Imagine your career as a carpet that you weave over time. Rather than leap into nothingness, consider what you can put in place to give yourself the best chance. It might mean building competencies you will need in the future, building contacts, and building self-confidence as you do. That way, it will take you closer to what you want, to people who are good for you, to an organisation that allows you to do your best work and where you can make a difference you care about.