The purpose of whatever job-hunting method you choose, is to get a date with someone who may want to hire you.
Andrew Bramley
Job hunting is not unlike dating. You have two people looking at each other, thinking, Do I want to see you again? If you posted your picture on a dating site, you would be surprised to get a wedding ring in the mail; why should job dating be any different? You are equally unlikely to get an employment contract in the mail without a date in some form.
A job date might be a formal interview in person or online, a meet-and-greet at their office, coffee at the local mall or an introduction at a cocktail party. It is highly unlikely you will be offered work by return mail when you send your CV. There is nothing likely to replace a real-life connection unless you are buying an online product or service.
Since most jobs won’t find you without some effort on your part, you are going to need to find a few dates on your own, or you could be all dressed and have nowhere to go for a long time. You don’t have to do cold calling; you can use contacts you already have or begin to build them through people you know who are willing to refer you. Consider all the people you know through friends, your community, sports clubs, study groups, people you’ve worked with, and people you know through schools and extramural activities. We all know someone, start there.
Give up needing to be more in some way before you can job date. If you are thinking, ‘I’m too shy’, ‘I’m not pushy enough’, ‘I’m not confident enough’, here is the good news – you don’t have to be. You just have to be yourself and connect with people who may need someone like you. If you can speak, you can date. There may be many people looking for you, but they don’t know you exist!
No matter what job-hunting method you use, remember the primary purpose is to get an interview with someone who has the power to hire you. If you are spending hours tweaking your CV, scrolling job ads, putting up social media posts and making minor adjustments to your website that no one is visiting, you may just be moving deckchairs on the Titanic. If you are selling a commodity online, that’s a different story, but to sell what you personally do, you are going to have to get in front of a real person.
Dating tips
There are as many online dating tips as there are on job hunting, so I invite you to have fun finding those that work for you.
Here are some of my favourites related to the job hunt.
- Don’t wait for the phone to ring. It may take years to get a date that way. Ask to meet; otherwise, they won’t know you are there.
- Arrive on time or early and look good and smell good without knocking them out with your perfume or after-shave.
- Don’t do all the talking. Ask questions and be interested in hearing the answers. Truly engage.
- Put away your mobile and close your laptop so you are ‘all there’.
- Don’t jump the gun by asking how much they pay. Only ask more questions if there are strong signals to proceed. (Like ‘When can you start?’)
- If you want to meet again, say so. There is no point returning home alone in the hope that the phone will ring, it might not. How often have you met someone and there were out of mind without hours as your other life took over?
- Just because someone doesn’t need what you do now doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or that your skills aren’t needed elsewhere. The timing may not be right for them, or they simply don’t need what you do. Not everyone does.
- Don’t accept dates only at a 5-star hotel; sometimes the best meetings are at the local diner, and sometimes the most ordinary meetings blossom into spectacular jobs, so ‘stay loose’ and be curious.
- Avoid overdoing the qualifications. That doesn’t make you irresistible or the right person for the job. You are unlikely to be the only person who has your credentials.
- Say what you think, not only what you think they want to hear. And don’t make anything up. The truth will come out anyway.
- Thank them for meeting with you; it took a chunk out of their day, so be sure to say so.
- Send a thank you note by whatever means is appropriate; the first prize is a written one with a pen.
What to say
When it’s your turn to speak, you might wonder where to start. Fortunately, there is a formula from a long line of great thinkers and job-hunting experts that suggests you share three things: why you are here, what you want and can do for them, and what kind of person you are.
Many people arrive with no idea why they are on this date and little or no knowledge about the company, what it does, or why it interests them. Simply saying, “Well, I need a job” doesn’t set you apart from the crowd. And starting the conversation with, “So, what does your business do again?” is a weak start.
This doesn’t make it a long, lengthy speech, as you’ll discover. It might go something like this: “Hello, I’m Jane, I so appreciate you taking the time to meet with me. The reason I’m here is because I’ve always been fascinated by publishing and have done some research on your organisation. You really do push boundaries on the articles you publish, and I would love to work for an organisation like yours.”
Share what you can and want to do for them or their organisation. Avoid lines like ‘add value’ and ‘make a difference’. Decide what you want to do for them, specifically, and tell them. Read the chapter on skills if you need help here.
It might go something like this. “As I’ve thought about it, there are three things that I’m good at and would love to do. I am good at research, always looking for new information, I work well with images and graphic design, and I’m particularly good at copy editing and proofreading.” (As opposed to “I’ll do anything to get in the door”, even if that’s true!)
Share what kind of person you are and what makes you different. No one needs to hear the sordid details about your divorce and how long you’ve been out of work. Decide three things that describe you as a person and tell them. If there is something you believe sets you apart, here is the opportunity to share that also.
It might go something like this: “Being creative comes kind of naturally, I’m always playing with words and images to create stories. I love learning new things and I guess I can’t resist a challenge. If someone says I can’t do something, it really spurs me on to try it.”
What to ask
Ask if they need someone like you. If you don’t ask for anything in life, no one will know what you want, whether you are asking for service, a discount or an upgrade on an airline. There is no way around asking the question. Vague comments like “Thanks for coffee’ or “See you around” or “Let’s stay in touch” are polite, but you still don’t know what to do next. Your question might simply be: ‘Do you need someone like me?’ The absolute worst answer you could get is “No,” which is helpful since you now know how to ask the next question.
If they don’t need you or need you now, ask who else they can refer you to who may need someone like you. It doesn’t have to be the CEO, just someone who may know someone who can refer you to someone who may need what you do. Get their name and contact details, and when you call, say who referred you. It increases your chances of getting a date many times over.
Ask for their business card in some form, either on paper or electronically. Carry some blank cards, just in case. As you’ll see, you are going to need their contact details, so don’t forget to ask for them.
What to do
Do take whatever action they suggest. If they refer you to someone, contact them. If they refer you to an article, find and read it. If they refer you to their website, look at it.
Do send them a thank-you note thanking them for their time, mentioning what you found interesting in the conversation, and letting them know the action you took following your meeting. In a world of information overload, a personal card can set you apart and also shares your contact details. They may not need you now, but one bright, or not so bright, day when their favourite staff member walks out, finding your card has a much better chance of success than remembering who you were or finding mail from a year ago.
Set up a follow-up date. Your last date may have been great, but there are no guarantees you’ll ever hear from them again. Many enthusiastic dates might say you are the best thing since sliced bread but never give you work. Others may be short, abrupt, and lacking in enthusiasm, and then they will phone you later. So, keep moving; you never know.
What to be
Be prepared for a NO. After all, if everything you asked for was a yes, this wouldn’t be a job hunt, would it? A ‘no’ is also your signal to ask if they know anyone who may be looking for someone like you. You may have to kiss many frogs before you find your Prince or Princess, and it could take many months in a tough market.
Be willing to take on different roles to get into the industry. There are many ways to help an employer, so be prepared to be flexible and offer ways to assist.
Be kind to yourself and reward yourself for every date you do. A cup of good coffee, an episode of your favourite TV show, a walk with your dog, something you would do for your best friend who has helped you. Give yourself simple rewards; they don’t have to cost money.
Get busy
But everything I have said so far is pointless unless you do one important thing, and that’s to get busy! Your ultimate objective is to get yourself in front of the person who has the authority to hire you. No matter how good your CV, your credentials, or your experience, without a date, employment is out of the question. ‘How many dates should I have?’ many people ask. Well, that’s hard to say, but since it’s a numbers game, set yourself a long target, like forty.
Forty job dates might feel overwhelming! The good news is you can do this without having a stress attack. You could sleep late, have a leisurely breakfast, get some exercise and have time to yourself before meeting someone at 10.30. Then a lunchtime meeting at 1.30. Then perhaps a 4 pm meeting after an afternoon nap. Then, a late afternoon coffee with someone on their way home.
Now, keeping up this pace is not easy or necessary, but you get the idea. If you were a salesperson for a business, forty dates would only take ten days’ work, but that may be difficult to keep up. At half that pace, it would take 20 days, which is as many days as anyone works over a month in a paid job. If you have sufficient cash reserves, you could do one conversation a week for forty weeks. You get to decide what you can manage and how you want to spread it out. The key is keeping track of real dates and doing them. Remember that job dating is real work; it’s your new job.
Keep track of your dates
It’s easy to feel busy but not be nearly as busy as you think. If you are a spreadsheet kind of person, set one up with columns like the date, company name, name of the person you spoke to, the date you sent a thank you card, a referral they gave you, the date you contacted the referral, and so on. Just create something that works for you. You could use a journal to write in each day about what you are doing, what is working, what is not, and what you need to do today.
Will you find work in forty job dates? Well, there are no guarantees, but you certainly have a better chance than if you did only three. Once you have done forty dates, you can review your progress, check in with those you have already met, follow up with those who had a ‘promise of romance, ‘ or review your strategy and keep going.
It may also not take forty dates, but it helps to set a high bar since it stops the panic when, after three interviews, no one wants you or what you do. Number seven may be rude, number thirteen thought you were overqualified, number seventeen said you were a gift to the human race (except you haven’t heard from them again), and number twenty-eight said they would never hire someone like you, then gives you a call a week later and says: “On second thoughts, could you help us?”
My friend Juanita says marketing is like putting on the lights in a room. You may be in the dark to people who need what you do. Remember you are offering a gift, so offer it proudly. Just because one person doesn’t need what you do doesn’t mean the next person doesn’t. You may be one date away from your match, so don’t give up. The dating game is not certain, and you can’t marry them all, so keep looking for the person or the organisation who is looking for someone like you.
One day at a time
Add just a bit of playfulness to your approach so you can also enjoy the process of meeting people and finding that role where you can make a difference. You don’t have to do everything in this chapter, but anything you can do to give yourself a better chance.
Your turn
What do you want to do differently at your next job date?