When I wrote the chapter about midlife as a blog many years ago, a friend who was just starting out in her sixties said: ‘There’s also something about fifty-nine! Only when I crossed that line myself was I able to write this, and it landed when I went to get new spectacles.
I had a good session with an optometrist tweaking what would be my new lenses. But when I collected them, they weren’t as good as I had hoped. Some capital letters remained blurred no matter what I did, and even though I was assured it might take a few days for my eyes to adjust to them, they didn’t. It took a second visit to test many different lenses until we found the right strength.
It occurred to me then how the lenses through which we see life determine what we see, and the choices we make.
Approaching sixty is a time to adjust your lenses. It’s the beginning of a new season in life. You’re about to become what they call a ‘senior’. You get pensioner discounts at the movies, in stores, in parks, buses, trains and municipal swimming pools. You are starting to look different, despite your best efforts. You walk past a shop window and in your reflection, you see your mother or father. Some of your moving parts may need some help, and even though you may not feel any older, your energy, like your old laptop battery, doesn’t last as long as it used to.
Advertisements for exclusive retirement villages start popping up everywhere you look, while the image of well-preserved retired couples gazing out to sea from the deck of a cruise liner suggest now is the time to travel. Friends might suggest it’s time to stop work and retire, which you may not want to do, or as is the case with many at this age, be able to do. You read with alarm how much money you need and hope it doesn’t run out before you do.
This season of life presents a crossroads. It may be a magical time you have looked forward to for a long time, but it can also be a time of confusion and mixed feelings about ‘what now?’
As you contemplate this new time of life, here are some lenses you may want to try on.
The crisis lens
Later adulthood has been described as an existential crisis when you question your existence and purpose in life all over again. You may be dealing with aged or dying parents and coming face to face with the cycle of life. You may be redirecting your energy into new roles by becoming a grandparent, a mentor, a teacher or getting involved in community projects. You are now able to share your wisdom and pass on valuable life stories to support the next generation. The crisis we face as we enter later adulthood can be resolved in two ways, what the psychologist, Erik Erikson called Integrity versus Despair.[i]
Integrity is coming to terms with your life – warts and all. It means accepting your life without complaining and without regrets. It also means coming to terms with death as a natural part of life and realising you are not immortal. It means coming to terms with age and resisting the need to always look young. The Japanese philosophy of Wabi Sabi is about embracing age and imperfection, without resisting it. When you embrace your life as it is and not how it could have been, you develop a serenity and acceptance of life that is both nurturing and encouraging to you and to other people.
Despair is becoming cynical, dictatorial, and judgmental, facing older age with resentment and bitterness for all that life has done to you. Newman in his book Development through life, said: ‘Despair makes an attitude of calm acceptance of death impossible. Either individuals seek death as ending a miserable existence or they desperately fear death because it makes any hope of compensating for past failures impossible’.[ii]
This crisis is therefore an opportunity to make peace with yourself and the world around you, to embrace life with all its imperfections and to make a new contribution that may not have been possible before.
The retirement lens
Anticipating retirement is perfect for many, and it’s a time they have always looked forward to and end up enjoying to the full. Some may want to retire but are not in a financial position to lay down tools and do so. And for others, the option is not considered because being at home without external goals leaves them feeling rudderless, even useless, and unwanted.
In the movie ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’ Maggie Smith says: ‘Once you’ve cleaned your flat, what do you do the rest of the day?’[iii] The Japanese people have a term that suggests retired men stick to their wives like ‘wet leaves’. The Dutch people have adopted the word ‘Pottekijkers’ to describe retired men who keep looking into the pot to see what their wives are cooking![iv]
The concept of retirement is a relatively new thing. Enforced retirement with a state pension was proposed and formalised by Bismarck in Germany around the 1880’s. The retirement age of 60 was prescribed because life expectancy at that time was around 64, and workers were tired or ill. It was a way to give those who had worked hard time to rest during their final years. But life in the 21st century has changed.
Being retired by your employer and choosing to retire are two different things. The first you have no choice about, the second you do. A forced retirement when you still love your job and what you do can be painful, but you could be fortunate enough to see out a few more years on contract or work freelance for the same organisation. You may be tired of your current employer or the kind of work you do and are eager to do other things. You may have dreams of what you want this new chapter in your life to look like.
Employment has not been around for that long, either. Before the industrial revolution, most people were self-employed. They lived above the shop. They farmed or made their living in some other practical way. Jobs and regulations in the workplace as we know them were put in place to support an increasingly industrialised society. William Bridges in his insightful book Jobshift[v] shows how we are entering the second great shift where even traditionally stable employers worldwide are not able to offer lifetime employment. Jobs are disappearing as organisations flatten structures, embrace technology, and increase contract workers rather than employees. Employers are less willing to provide fixed benefits after retirement and encourage employees to embrace what they call ‘self-sufficiency’ by taking responsibility for their financial wellbeing.
Many people at this point in their lives are still young and ready to rediscover interests and skills, to find new ways to give their life structure and meaning.
Some of the most successful people in the world have never retired, they simply keep doing what they care about and love doing.
The life lens
A gentleman phoned me many years ago. ‘I am seventy now’ he said. ‘My family all live to about 95, so I’ve got 25 years. I can’t sit in my apartment checking the unit trusts, what am I going to do with the time I have left?’
Beth Kempton in her book ‘Calm Christmas’[vi] suggests that as we look ahead to the new year, we sidestep the frenzied obligations to make resolutions and rather ease into a new year with the question ‘How do I want this year to be?’ I love that question and it seem to me this stage of life begs a similar question ‘How do I want this stage of life to be?’
That may include where you want to live and which people in your life you want to live close to. What do you want to be doing? How do you want to be spending your time? What do you want to start doing that you’ve always put off? Who do you want to be with? How do you want to be managing your wellbeing and energy? What challenges is it time to take on? What has your life so far prepared you for? If you want paid work, how might that be?
I met Jean Fisher, the author of ‘A beginners guide to aging’[vii] which she wrote in her seventies. One of the key thoughts in her book, and in our conversation, was the need to make new memories no matter our age. What new memories do you want to make?
The financial planning lens
The financial industry has highjacked retirement planning for many people. Very often this is the only conversation that employers have with employees when there are many other aspects to consider. If you have been fortunate enough to be part of a good pension scheme, you already have some good planning in place. But even these are not as watertight as they used to be. Defined contribution schemes that are based on your contribution are replacing fixed benefits schemes and employers are starting to encourage employees to not depend on this for the later years.
Whatever your pension plan might cover or not, there is no need for your financial planning to end. Books and seminars on financial freedom have helped people find different ways of managing their money. It’s not too late for you if you have energy and a clear vision of what you want to achieve.
The income lens
If you don’t have enough income to make it, you don’t have to throw your hands up in despair, provided you are prepared to do something about it. You may want to earn a regular income or supplement your existing income by doing something else.
Here are some ideas to get you going:
If you like working with and around people, you might consider childcare, eldercare or working as a personal assistant. You can share your knowledge through teaching, as a tutor, mentoring or coaching, even offering talks and workshops on things you know about. You might offer freelance teaching or classes on money management, art, computers, or music. Or consulting in your area of expertise in the corporate sector or joining a corporate Board. You might choose to look after other people’s animals and their homes while they are away. Maybe being a personal shopper for clothes or household items is something you may not even have considered!
If you like working with ideas, words, and images, you might consider selling photographs to businesses that buy stock photos, or use your skills with proof reading, editing, copywriting, creating blogs or writing text for websites and small businesses. You might consider online translating, creating presentations or using your graphic design skills. Or become a pet photographer? You can self-publish books on Amazon, do resume or freelance writing.
If you are musically inclined, you may be able to share your musical, artistic and performance skills for adverts and special events. You could become a movie extra, or a model – they need people of all sizes and ages.
If you are artistic, there are needs around décor, flowers, table decorating, gardening design, making, or altering clothes, and a host of workshops you might consider offering around any of these areas.
If doing research is your thing, consider selling time to find and make sense of information, help people gather family history, sort and organise photos. Be paid for online surveys or mystery shopping. Do research, analysis of data and present complex information for the layman. Do research for people studying, writing books, or making business decisions.
If you like doing practical things, you could consider being a personal organiser. See what Marie Kondo is doing. You’ll find her on Netflix or read one of her books. You might offer hairdressing or personal grooming services from home or as a mobile service. Rent out your car or qualify as a tourist guide and drive people around your city. Become an instructor for yoga or similar. Offer dancing lessons. Offer cooking lessons. Become a reflexologist or do other forms of healing work. Grow specialist foods that may be in demand. Offer catering to homes and businesses. Organize relocation or house moves. Raise chickens, then sell fresh eggs. Refurbish furniture or make recycled furniture. Home stage properties for sale. Manage projects for other people, from printing brochures to house renovations. Rent out gadgets, tools, and appliances. Offer handyman (or woman) services for household repairs and maintenance. Manage renovation projects for homeowners or offices. Offer personal grooming for elderly or disabled people. Propagate plants. Arrange flowers. Do repairs to cars, motorbikes, or appliances.
If you like providing administrative and organisational support, here are some ideas to get you started. Offer part-time bookkeeping and administrative services to small business owners. Be a virtual administrative assistant to businesses that need help but can’t afford someone fulltime. Do event planning. Develop mobile apps or offer online solutions. Provide IT support. Answer calls for someone who is self-employed or has a small business.
If you are naturally business minded and practical, you might consider renting out space in your home by the night, week, or month, or even rent out parking space. Sell items online for yourself or for others and earn a commission. Try entrepreneurship with a business idea you’ve had for a long time without putting all your capital at risk. Bake and sell your wares to coffee shops and home industry shops. Make money through stocks and shares or forex trading. Use your contacts to source suppliers and goods for clients. Become a property agent. Supervise home repairs. Nowhere does it say you have to choose just one thing, so consider creating five business cards. You can then choose any one of them or, do them all![viii]
If you prefer the structure of a daily job, look for employers who are open to employing older people. I met a business owner who, with his co-directors, specifically targeted older people. His two best salesmen were in late seventies and early eighties respectively.
‘They know their customers and products like the back of their hands and for a small salary they hire a driver for each of them. It easily pays for itself from the business they generate.’ [ix]
The employer lens
Employers typically focus on financial planning when it comes to retirement, and it is right to do so. But is that all there is to talk about? Leaving work after many years is a crisis and it’s not just financial. Many organisations make a significant impact on people’s lives throughout their employment relationship through corporate initiatives, training and providing a safe and challenging place to work. Why then would we not provide the same amount of support to people who have made a contribution over many years, without there having to be a measurable business upside for doing so?
The relationship between the employer and the employee does not end with retirement. You, as an employee, remain a stakeholder as part of the pension fund for many years, it may be for as many years as you have worked for the organisation. This offers an organisation the opportunity to extend the company’s commitment to those facing retirement. It seems to me the already well-developed talent, coaching and wellness programmes might just as easily be extended to include Life/Work planning sessions for retirement that are not about financial planning, but about life planning.
The trifocal lens*
Bolles, in his book ‘The three boxes of life’[x] explains how we traditionally live in three boxes in our work lives. Very simply, we start out in the learning box, so that we know enough to get into the second box, the work box. Then when we have worked for a prescribed number of years, we get into the play box. Many people die soon after finishing their time in the work box, so they get no time to play at all.
There are few conductors in life to help you out of one box and into another. So, it may come as a bit of a shock after years of learning to discover the rules are different and there are many more options than you envisaged. You can also arrive at the play box only to find you are lonely, not in good shape and wondering what to do with yourself. Life/Work planning invites us to integrate these three boxes. Why could we not always be learning? Why should we not always be working, in some way? And why should we not always be playing rather than waiting for a different stage of life to do so?
This third stage of life has huge potential for growth and offers the opportunity to find new ways to integrate these boxes. Bob Buford in his book ‘Half Time’ said the first half of life was about success, and the second half about significance. Half time can occur much earlier than 59, but it also may still be waiting for you. With the increased number of elderly people on our planet, learning to embrace older age is a necessary reality. What growth do you have in mind for the third stage of your life? What do you want to learn? What do you want to know about? How do you want to make the world a better place in this stage of life? How do you want to integrate your boxes?
The health and happiness lens
This is a time to consciously manage your health. You may still be fit and healthy, or it may be payback time for years of neglect. This is probably not the time to join a gym and fast-track a heart attack, but it is a time to be more mindful about your body and mental energy.
Get a medical check-up, get some exercise, stimulate your brain, and look after your emotional wellbeing. Health is more than your blood pressure. Feeling fit and fine will also contribute to that elusive state we call happiness. There are so many ways to describe it. I like the practical approach and like the Happiness Model developed by John Nelson.[xi] It is made up of three components, Pleasure, Engagement and Meaning. The trick is to blend them in a way that works for you.
Pleasure is simply enjoying activities that are fun. Engagement is an interest, activity or hobby that is engaging, challenging and enjoyable. Meaning is about doing things that are bigger than yourself, like making a difference in a world we care about.
The key is to blend all three in a way that gives you energy, sustains health and helps create the fulfilment you seek.
The relationship lens
The first part of our lives has automatic people-generating activities, either as fellow learners or as colleagues or as parents involved in school activities. Whichever way we cut it, leaving your job can be lonely once you have got over the pleasure of not being part of office politics and the demands of others. The people you have worked with may remain friends, but you have entered a new world where you will need to build new networks, new contacts or perhaps catch up on old ones. Time to get a Facebook account and see who is still out there?
It is also a time to nurture current relationships. That could be with your spouse, with family and with friends. ‘Relationships on steroids’ might be a good way to describe relationships in later adulthood. Your partner might still be employed, leaving you to brew at home. Children may have left the home and it’s just the two of you facing each other and the four walls. You now spend the whole day together and the smallest things become the biggest issues.
You also leave relationships behind in the workplace. The workplace can be a very nurturing environment that is easy to take for granted where someone else switches on the lights, fixes your laptop and ensures you get a regular pay cheque, while all tax and administration is handled for you. Retirement can take some adjusting to this new lens. Even positive change can be stressful, so planning could be the answer for taking the edge off.
The planning lens
None of us can predict with certainty how life will turn out for us, but without some thought and planning, we may end up living someone else’s life, or at best an accidental one. If your life is important to you, then it seems to me this stage of life deserves the same intent and planning you put into your education, your marriage, your career, and your home. After all, you may spend as many years in this third stage of life as you spent in the workplace, and it could be the best chapter of all. This might be when you make a contribution that really matters to you.
You could create a lock-up-and-go or have lodgers so you can travel more. You might start a new career or a business. A lawyer I met on a flight one day told me she had saved her entire working life so she could travel continuously. With a rented home in London and no other obligations she was off somewhere new. A couple I met were schoolteachers in their working life. They now run a lucrative holiday accommodation business in their favourite coastal town.
Dick Bolles was a great mentor to me for almost 15 years and was 75 when I met him. When I stayed with him and his wife Marci, I noted that he slept late, read current affairs in multiple newspapers, continued to work on the next edition of his book, and would be ready for sushi and a great movie in the evening. He died at the age of 90, just a few months before the current version of his book was released. I remember thinking then, as I still do now: ‘That’s how I want to get older.
I don’t want to travel extensively. I want to be with our wonderful rescue dogs that we love to bits and live in our home with its park-like garden. Down the road are the offices that belong to me, to use as often or for as long as I want or need to. I want to fulfil my purpose to help people around the world make more inspiring choices in their careers no matter how old I am, or they are. But your purpose may be different, so consider what it is that is important to you. Then do that.
The technology lens
Technology has opened up many new avenues for life and for work. There is nothing about age that prevents you from using technology to connect, to do business, to do research, to be a blogger, to publish books on Amazon, to trade shares, to do online consulting in many fields, to post and sell photographs, to be an inspiration to people around the world. You can become a movie star on YouTube. The possibilities are endless. Take a firm and serious look at how technology can enrich this new stage in your life.
According to Pew Research’s Tech Adoption Among Older Adults, fully 58% of adults ages 65 and older say technology has had a mostly positive impact on society, while roughly three-quarters of internet-using seniors say they go online on a daily basis – and nearly one in 10 go online almost constantly.[xii]
The time lens
George Burns said: ‘You can’t help getting older. But you don’t have to get old.’ ‘I’m already too old’ may be your thoughts right now, but if you are reading this you are still here, and perhaps there is a need you can fill in your own way and it needn’t generate cash to be of value.
One of the gifts of older age is the wisdom you have to share with the next generation, with business owners, with people who may be struggling with things you struggled with. Your listening ear might be the most important gift you give to other people.
Being heard is one of the biggest gifts we give other people. And giving is as much to the giver as to the receiver. Perhaps as you contemplate this, there is a new purpose or mission that only you can fill.
Here are some fun facts about people doing things at various ages, taken mostly from Tolstoy’s Bicycle. Tolstoy himself said: ‘The moral progress of mankind is due to the aged. The old grow better and wiser.’
At age 60; F.W. Woolworth consolidated his chain of stores where he started the ‘five cents’ idea.
At age 65, Colonel Sanders started Kentucky Fried Chicken.
At age 70 Enid Blyton wrote eleven books including five about Noddy.
At age 75 Henry Ford was till fit enough to do handstands and get into convertible cars by jumping over the doors.
At age 80, Buckminster Fuller published his magnum opus ‘Synergetics: Exploration in the Geometry of Thinking’.
At age 85, Toscanini gave his last performance of Beethoven’s ninth symphony.
At age 100 Sir Thomas Moore (‘Captain Tom’) raised over 30 million pounds for charity during the Covid-19 pandemic by walking 100 lengths of his garden, then was Knighted by Queen Elizabeth II at Windsor Castle. And Her Majesty only retired on her death at age 96, after making the coolest-every movie with Paddington bear.
C.S. Lewis said: ‘You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending’
We can too.
Your turn
How does your ideal older age look, money aside?
What opportunities does older age offer you?
How can you make the second half of your life significant, for you?
References
[i] Newman. B.M & Newman P.R. (1979). Development through life. The Dorsey Press.
[ii] Newman. B.M & Newman P.R. (1979). Development through life. The Dorsey Press.
[iii] The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel 2011
[iv] Newman. B.M & Newman P.R. (1979). Development through life. The Dorsey Press.
[v] William Bridges Jobshift
[vi] Beth Kempton: Calm Christmas
[vii] Jean Fisher: A beginners guide to aging.
[viii] William Bridges: Becoming CEO of your career.
[ix] https://sixtyandme.com/60-creative-ways-to-make-money-in-retirement/
[x] Bolles, R.N.: The three boxes of life.
[xi] Nelson and Bolles, Parachute for retirement.
[xii] https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2017/05/17/tech-adoption-climbs-among-older-adults/